Things, I, as a Realtor, Googled This Week
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“So, you’re in real estate? That must be so fun! You show houses, right?”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Let me introduce you to the search history of someone who sells houses, is a marriage counselor (for clients, obviously), an impromptu dog wrangler, and part-time psychic.
This is what I, a very real real estate agent, Googled this week:
1. “Can goats legally live in a residential backyard in Shelby County?”
My client’s daughter has decided goats are her emotional support animals. Plural. Apparently, one goat is lonely, two is awkward, and three is a functioning social dynamic.
Spoiler: HOAs do not support your #goatgoals.
Bonus: Facebook now thinks I’m a homesteader named Cheryl.
2. “Is it normal for a crawlspace to smell like beef jerky?”
The scent slapped me in the face like a Slim Jim. I didn’t want to know. But I had to know.
Google says: Possibly mold, maybe meat, or—plot twist—dried possum.
3. “Can you remove popcorn ceilings with a Swiffer?”
This came from a buyer who was both hopeful and optimistic. I said no, then curiosity took the wheel. Let’s just say if you combine a Swiffer, a ladder, and two glasses of pinot, you can make progress.
4. “What happens if the seller takes the toilet?”
Imagine arriving for the final walkthrough to find… nothing. Just a sad toilet-shaped imprint on the vinyl floor and a buyer holding a four-pack of Charmin.
PSA: Toilets are fixtures. Fixtures stay.
5. “How long does it take to remove a bat from a house?”
New construction. Beautiful finishes. Bonus bat.
After three laps around the kitchen island and two minutes of solid screaming, it flew out.
Then it came back. With buddies.
6. “Does the Zillow Zestimate account for ghost?”
A buyer asked with deep sincerity. Honestly? They should.
This downtown historical home had cold spots and an energy that screamed, “Don’t go down to the basement.” Definitely, haunted but charming…think Victorian child standing on the stair landing.
7. “Can you stage a house using only inflatable furniture?”
This was a late-night Pinterest dive fueled by too much coffee after 4PM. I didn't even know it was a "thing."
Technically: yes.
Should you: no.
Did I order an inflatable couch anyway: yes.
8. “Can a cat be written into a real estate contract?”
Meet Earl Grey a 14-year-old Persian cat. Highly persuasive. The seller joked, “We’ll throw him in for the right price.” Next thing I know, I’m writing a side clause for custody.
9. “Is it bad luck to close on Friday the 13th?”
The whole deal nearly tripped over a black cat on the way to the closing table. We lost a pen, a wire transfer, and my sanity.
But we made it. No ghosts. No explosions. Just a happy buyer and a slightly twitchy real estate agent.
Superstition? Maybe. But the keys still worked, and that’s all that matters.
10. “Can you install a chandelier in a closet?”
No one should.
But someone did.
And now I know about closet chandeliers, which is one of many things slowly replacing my actual brain cells.
TL;DR:
If you're a fellow agent, I know your Google history also looks like a cry for help.
If you're a buyer or seller, just know this: we’re out here Googling the un-Googleable for you.
And if you're just here for the weirdness? Grab a seat. I’ve got snacks and backup batteries in the glovebox.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a new client.
Next up on my search bar:
“Is a yurt considered a permanent structure?”
